To some people, having competitive bouts in relationships can be seen as a trivial quirk that can be laughed about. And for the most part, that’s true. It’s funny whenever couples try to outdo one another with their wit as far as little games and intellectual sparring matches are concerned. Maybe a little competition to start getting fitter or to start learning new skills might even add some spice to the romance. A little competition in the relationship doesn’t have to be so destructive. But it gets to a point where competition in a relationship could potentially breed a very toxic and destructive environment.
At the end of the day, the best couples should always be acting like a team. They are the ones who understand that life has plenty of challenges that are in store for them. And they understand that they need to be devoting all of their competitive energy outward instead of a inward with their relationships. They can’t possibly allow themselves to be focusing their competitive energy on each other because that could spark potential bitterness between the two of them. When there is minimal competitiveness between two people in a relationship, then that creates an atmosphere of lightness and happiness.
Yes, adding some competitive fire into a relationship can be a great way to just mix things up. It can add a little zest to a relationship that could potentially be susceptible to predictability. But as with all other things in life, it’s always best to treat competitiveness in a relationship with moderation. Too much of it, and you risk losing one another in the process. You risk putting yourselves in a position where no one wins. And since there are just some people who are inherently competitive by nature, it can be difficult to spot the signs of an overly competitive relationship.
That’s why it’s integral that couples are able to maintain a sense of self-awareness with regards to how they conduct themselves especially when they’re together. You always have to be aware of your actions and how they are impacting your partner and your relationship. If you want to save your relationship from being one that could eventually be destroyed by a surplus of competitiveness, then you have to be wary of the red flags.
Here are 7 signs that you’re in a competitive relationship followed by the solution to fixing it.
1. Your fights feel like sporting events that you need to win.
You are always fighting and you approach these fights like sporting events. It’s more important for you to win than it is to actually listen to each other.
2. You never give each other the whole picture.
You don’t want to give your partner any edge that they might be able to use against you and so you regularly practice dishonesty with one another.
3. You each find it difficult to be happy for the successes of the other. You genuinely don’t like it whenever your partner succeeds. You get jealous and you immediately feel insecure about the spotlight being taken away from you in the relationship.
4. You rarely ever come to a compromise on anything. You don’t like to compromise. It would be more important for the both of you to stand your ground than to just meet halfway.
5. You still try to make one another jealous.
Instead of just being happy for one another whenever the other succeeds, you try to find ways to make the other jealous. Whether it be through career goals or otherwise, you will try to outdo one another whenever you can.
6. You demean and belittle each other.
You are threatened by each other’s ego and so you grab at any opportunity to shoot the other one’s confidence levels down a notch.
7. You are liberal in your use of ultimatums with each other.
You are constantly trying to force the other to bend. And you are so stubborn to the point that you would willingly throw ultimatums in the way of your partner to get them to agree with you. Ultimatums just kill the communication and connection in a relationship.
The solution:
It’s all a matter of communication. At the end of the day, the only way that the two of you could ever get over your competitive nature with each other is if you just improve your communication habits. When you are constantly communicating with each other, and if you are genuinely listening to one another, then you really learn to empathize with your partner. You will be able to see things from your partner’s perspective a little more clearly. You will understand each other better. And once you start to discover that you’re both on the same team; that you’re both essentially trying to get through this life together, then you will stop feeling that compulsion to outdo one another. You will no longer start to feel that deep desire to compete with each other. It will no longer be a me vs you kind of situation. But instead, it turns into an us against the world kind of relationship; and those are always the best kinds.
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